Writing Update

He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.

Isaiah 40:11

It's been some time since I posted specific news about my writing projects, and I do have some significant news to share. In November, I signed a contract with Reformed Fellowship in Grandville, Michigan, for the publication of my book tentatively titled, Little One Lost: Living with Early Infant Loss.

The manuscript focuses on miscarriage, stillbirth, and newborn loss. It grew from an article about infant loss that I wrote for Christian Renewal (which appeared in the May 12, 2003 issue). I didn't want to write that article, but I kept receiving suggestions and proddings that finally convinced me to write it.

In the preface to the manuscript, I explain how I didn't want to revisit my own miscarriage experience and how the reality of my guilt and grief didn't hit me until I began writing the book.

But I wrote the book because that one article generated more response than most of the hundreds of other articles I've ever written. Many women thanked me for writing it and shared their stories with me. One wrote how the women in her family sat around the kitchen table, talking about the article, sharing their stories, and craying. She concluded, “Thank you for finally giving us permission to grieve.”

Early infant losses are often ignored or suppressed, but they are just as significant as a loss at any point in life. And they can be just as traumatic, although they encompass a wide range of human experience and emotion. The chronic ache of infertility is often an unacknowledged loss of a child the parents never knew, and a section of my book deals with this heart rending issue.

The manuscript takes a thoroughly biblical look at early infant loss from the perspective of God’s sovereign providence and His covenantal love. It is written in accessible language and short chapters to make it easy for grieving readers to digest. The 27 chapters are organized into six sections.

Part One sets the stage by Acknowledging Our Loss with chapters titled: The Hole in My Heart, Society’s Paradox, Knit Together, and Common Occurrence.

Part Two shares specific stories of couples Losing a Child with their varied experiences: Repeated Loss, Medical Dilemmas, Hopeless Labor, Father’s Love, and Delivery Distress.

Part Three focuses on different facets of the wrenching struggles of couples Bearing Infertility’s Loss: Empty Womb, Childless Marriage, and Supernatural Children.

Part Four examines aspects of Finding Our Comfort: Not Lost, Biblical Comfort, Covenantal Comfort, Confessional Comfort, and Only Comfort.

Part Five relates how we can be Grieving with Hope in chapters on different dimensions of grief: Hopeful Grief, Guilty Grief, Being Forgiven, Forgiving Others, and Family Grief.

Part Six points the direction toward Healing Our Pain through: Prayerful Work, Graceful Acceptance, Remembering Life, Compassionate Care, and the concluding chapter regarding The Hope in My Heart.

Since Reformed Fellowship is currently working on several other projects, it may be a year or more until it is published.

It is my prayer that God will use this book to increase awareness of the significance of early infant loss, to grant those who have suppressed their loss the freedom to grieve, to comfort grieving parents and other family members, and to assist many in ministering to those who grieve a “little one lost.”

© Glenda Mathes, 2010

Official NaNo Winner

This says it all!

Puzzling Solutions and Playing Sudoku

I confess it: I am a Sudoku fan. (Note: NOT addict.)

I'm a middle-of-the-road sort of Sudoku fan; I enjoy moderately difficult puzzles that can be worked in one sitting, or maybe two short ones. The easy puzzles pose no challenge, the really difficult ones can be more frustrating than fun.

There are often moments when I think, "I just don't see the next move," but if I take one more careful look, or even walk away from it for a time, I find one more answer. Then I pencil numbers into the remaining blocks as quickly as the clicking squence of falling dominoes.

This successive falling into place inevitably reminds me of the many times I find the solution to a puzzling writing problem. Perhaps I can't think of a good opening for an article, or maybe I don't see a theme in the piece I'm writing. I may pause for a moment or I may walk away from the work for days. But eventually, nearly always after prayer, the solution will come to me as suddenly as the over utilized light bulb blinking on simile. Then the disparate pieces of the work quickly fall into one cohesive effort.

I don't mean to imply that prayer is a superstitious rite; as if saying a prayer automatically guarantees successful solutions to every writing (or any other kind of) problem. I confess to sometimes giving up on a difficult Sudoku puzzle and looking at the answer in the back for just one number. That clue is often enough to enable me to finish. There are rare times, however, when I just give up completely and go the next puzzle.

There are a few writing projects that, for whatever reason, aren't meant to be finished. But there are many more that seem impossible until one specific insight is revealed and the puzzle is, as Peter Sellers playing Inspector Clouseau would say, "...solve-ed."

Prayer isn't a guarantee of success or a superstitious prerequisite, but it is a necessary part of addressing any problem. It is a part of life that is as necessary for the Christian as breathing.

It's easy to pray for divine assistance when one is stuck in a tough place. But prayer is to be so much more in the life of a Christian. Question & Answer 116 of the Heidelberg Catechism tell us that Christians need to pray because "prayer is the most important part of the thankfulness God requires of us. And also because God gives his grace and Holy Spirit only to those who pray continually and groan inwardly, asking God for these gifts and thanking him for them."

Christian don't merely send up what I call "Nehemiah prayers" in pressing moments of distress before a quick action or verbal response; they "pray continually" not only "asking God" for his gifts, but also "thanking him for them."

The Calm Before the Storm

These last two days of October are the calm before the storm that will hit with gale force winds in November.

That November storm is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, for long), in which the ever optomistic would-be novelist attempts to write 50k words in a novel--from scratch--during one month. Yes, my virtual friends, that's 50,000 words. And just in case you forgot, November has only 30 days.

It also has Thanksgiving Day and the Friday after it, four Sundays, and four Saturdays; all of which I have not scheduled as writing days. I don't write on Sundays, the Thanksgiving weekend will be busy with multiple family gatherings and mega cooking enterprises. And Saturdays are not scheduled as writing days because I will need a day at the end of the week to try to catch up on neglected work and word-count goals.

If my math is correct (and I trust it in this case since I am relying on an Excel spreadsheet to do my addition), I must write 2,500 words on each working day. That's a lot of words. And that's in addition to my regular work and family commitments.

I am working on six (some very difficult and involved) articles for Christian Renewal and have several more under consideration. I'm working on two for the next issue of the Messenger, which is the newsletter for Mid-America Reformed Seminary. I need to figure out illustrations for Not My Own: Discovering God's Comfort in the Heidelberg Catechism, which is the Grade 5 volume I wrote for the "Life in Christ" catechism curriculum project. I am developing a PowerPoint presentation with secondary students as the intended audience called "Living on Your Own, Without Living on Your Own." I also need to put together a comprehensive devotional proposal before January for a major Christian publishing company. There are other projects on the sticky notes strung above my computer, but just typing this list has made me realize that I may need to reconsider some of them.

Then there are my family commitments, which usually includes having one or two adult children at our home for Sunday lunch and caring for a grandson two or more days per week.

In my October 8 post, I wrote about the annual madness that is NaNoWriMo. I also invited readers to be my NaNoWriMo buddies and set a target of 10. I'm happy to announce that I now have 13 writing buddies. We will spur each other on toward prolific word counts through encouragement and, possibly, threats.

My novel this year is tentatively titled Living Echoes. It will be a first person account in the literary fiction genre. The protagonist is a middle-aged pastor's wife who's experiencing a crisis in her marriage and faith. The novel will begin with an accident. My plan is for background information to be provided in flashback chapters interspersed with chapters in which she gradually becomes more aware of her surroundings in the hospital. I initially envisioned it as a sort of Charles Martin construction, but I'm not at all sure how this will all fall into place.

Since this woman is a pastor's wife who has moved around a lot in her married life, the issue of "home" may be a major theme (I think). I don't know her name quite yet, but I know her voice. I think her husband's name in Jeff. I like them both very much; however, they are Calvinists, which according to Marilynne Robinson means: "We're all beautiful, and we're all flawed."

I'm not sure what will happen to them, but I will find out in November. And I'm not sure what will happen to Ascribelog, but I hope to post regular updates on the novel's progress. I'd like to continue posting meditations and Christian Renewal articles, but time will definitely be at a premium in November.

Although I've met my goal of writing over 50,000 words in a new novel for each of the last four years, my anticipation regarding the upcoming rush of creative effort and energy is accompanied by a barely submerged sense of panic ready to pop to the surface. It's as if I'm viewing the Doppler and the quickly approaching storm appears riddled with red cells.

Wouldn't you like to be my buddy, too?

Would you like to finally write that novel you've always wanted to write? How about doing it in one month? And let's make it November because working around holiday preparations and family gatherings makes it more interesting.

That, my friends, is NaNoWriMo!

NaNoWriMo is shorthand for National Novel Writing Month, an event of truly global proportions in which would-be novelists from all over the world sign up at the NaNoWriMo website and try to write a novel (from scratch) of at least 50,000 words during the month of November.

Can it be done? Oh, yes! Last year there were over 165,000 participants from hundreds of regions around the world. More than 30,000 of these aspiring novelists typed over 50,000 words to become winners. And I was one of them!

I've been a winner each of the previous four Novembers. One year's result was a novel that grew into my juvenile fiction series about an endearing character named Matthew. Another year I wrote the third novel in that Matthew series. I wrote rough drafts of literary novels the other two years. One was named Sisters duirng NaNoWriMo, but I renamed it This Side of Heaven when it entered the revision stage of a Work In Progress. (Then Karen Kingsbury came out with a novel with that very same name! I will have to think of a new title. I'll probably have to rewrite a crucial and climactic scene near the end. But it has some promise.) My other literary novel began with a scene in my mind. I saw a woman sitting on a beach. She was wearing blue jeans and a pink shirt. She had a blonde pony tail that was blowing in the wind. I spent all of that November figuring out who she was, how she got there, and why she was so sad.

This will be my fifth noveling November. As of yet, I have no idea what I will write about and I have no inspiring scenes in my mind. Am I concerned? Not at all!

Chris Baty is the founder of National Novel Writing Month and energetic Executive Director of its parent organization, the Office of Light and Letters. He is also the author of No Plot, No Problem. Chris excels at writing creatively humorous pep talks that motivate even the most timid novelist to attempt a first try.

He describes NaNoWriMo as a "fun, seat-of-your-pants" approach, writing:

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Chris also writes:

By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

The freedom of writing without an internal editor is my favorite thing about NaNoWriMo, while learning to squelch that pesky persona is my most difficult task. It isn't easy, yet I already anticipate November and NaNoWriMo. My birthday falls in November and I view NaNoWriMo as my birthday present to me.

Strange, you say, why would anyone want to give themselves the gift of unremitting pressure coupled with hopeless goals?

Because, my friends, it is a real gift to allow myself to focus on fiction for one month out of my entire year of constant nonfiction writing deadlines. Oh, I still have regular deadlines during November. And I still have family commitments; in fact, I have more than usual family commitments during November. But I simply schedule in enough blocks of time to write an extra 50,000 words that month. Now doesn't that sound like fun?

Wouldn't you like to join me in my NaNoWriMo madness? My goal is to have at least ten writing buddies this November. NaNoWriMo buddies can see each other's word counts and encourage (read "crack the whip over") each other. I already have three writing buddies. I'm looking for seven more. Head on over to the NaNoWriMo website and sign up. Then add "Grandma Glenda" as your writing buddy.

Who will be first to jump on the careening NaNoWriMo bandwagon?

Living Echoes

Dear Reader,

I apologize for the length of time since my last post. Demanding deadlines and increasing commitments have made my time prime. When my schedule is so full, I don't feel I can spare time for blogging. I also tend to avoid blogging when I feel discouraged because I don't want my negative attitude to leak into my writing and darken it like black dye permeating a bucket of clear water.

When my outlook seemed its bleakest, a remarkable opportunity for a private retreat appeared possible and I was able to fit it into my schedule. I left on Monday morning and returned on Wednesday afternoon.

Before I even packed, I found myself praying:

Lord, speak to me that I may speak in living echoes of Thy love...

A dear friend who knew I was going sent an email saying she was praying:

That God would speak to me...

Almost as an afterthought, I placed a Psalter Hymnal into my suitcase beside my Literary Study Bible, thinking that I might want to look up a hymn if it related to anything I might write.

The "Lord, speak to me" refrain went through my mind as I praised and prayed on the drive. I prayed that God would speak to me and that I would be able to speak to others in "living echoes" of His love. I prayed that I might somehow reach the lost as well as encourage believers. The refrain went through my mind so often on the drive and after my arrival that I looked up the hymn on my second day at the retreat. These are the lyrics:

Lord, speak to me, that I may speak
In living echoes of Thy tone;
As Thou hast sought, so let me seek
Thine erring children lost and lone.

O teach me, Lord, that I may teach
The precious things Thou dost impart;
And wing my words that they may reach
The hidden depths of many a heart.

O lead me, Lord, that I may lead
The wandering and the wavering feet;
O feed me, Lord, that I may feed
The hungering ones with manna sweet.

O strengthen me, that while I stand
Firm on the Rock and strong in Thee,
I may stretch out a loving hand
To wrestlers with the troubled sea.

O use me, Lord, use even me,
Just as Thou wilt, and when, and where;
Until Thy blessed face I see,
Thy rest, Thy joy, Thy glory share.

As I read the words of the first stanza of this hymn, it seemed to me that God was encouraging me that He will make me speak in "living echoes" of His tone (or love, as I had been thinking and praying) and that He will provide ways for me to reach His lost and lonely children.

Every subsequent stanza of the hymn seemed to apply specifically to me and my situation.

I've been developing speaking presentations and the second stanza seemed to be God telling me that He will teach me and provide opportunities for me to teach others His precious biblical truths. The second part of the stanza encourages me to believe that God will "wing my words" through my current oral and written communications--including this and other internet avenues that allow my words to fly through cyberspace--and perhaps even through book publications. And He will "wing my words" in such a way that they will touch the deeply hidden emotions in the hearts of many people.

While reading the third stanza, I was impressed that God will lead me and equip me to minister to the wandering and the wavering. He will equip me to provide sweet manna for their hungry souls.

I have been feeling particularly weak all spring and summer and God encouraged me through the fourth stanza that He will strengthen me so that I stand firmly and strongly on Him and His Word. With that firm footing, I will be equipped to reach out to those who wrestle with the turbulence and trials of living in cultures that rebel against God (the sea is a frequent biblical analogy for rebellious nations).

Through the last stanza, God assured me that He can use even sinful, weak me for His purposes. I was convicted of my need to submit unreservedly to the entirety of whatever God calls me to do, whenever and wherever He calls me to do it. God also assured me that He will see that I continue serving Him in whatever capacity I am able until He calls me home. Then I will see His blessed face and I will share in His rest, His joy, and His glory.

This song wasn't the only way God spoke to me over the last few days; He refreshed and encouraged me with the kindness of others, with brisk walks in His beautiful creation, with long periods of uninterrupted prayer, and with solitary meditation on His Word. But He spoke specifically to me through the words of this hymn. My prayer now is that God will enable me to speak in "living echoes" of His great love.

One more (minor) thing: "Living Echoes" will be the title of a book I hope to write some day, Lord willing. I am going on record here and now because I was working on a manuscript titled "This Side of Heaven" when Karen Kingsbury came out with a book by that name. That was a disappointment I hope to avoid this time!

LOL: Joy in the Morning

I'm laughing out loud (LOL) with joy to finally finish the manuscript for my nonfiction book on early infant loss, Little One Lost (LOL).

Some kind folks are proofing the manuscript for me this week while I polish it in preparation for submission to the publisher.

Perhaps the sunny and cool weather with a welcome drop in humidity is making me feel so amazingly better, but I think it's primarily relief in response to the manuscript's completion.

For the first time in months, I am finding joy in my work this morning!

Thank you all for your prayers!

Focusing on finishing: "Little One Lost"

Various work commitments require my writing and editing efforts on several different projects. It helps when I am able to organize my work day into two-hour blocks, which focus on different projects. It's an idea I got from that prolific writer, Leland Ryken, when I interviewed him. He has written a host of books on a great variety of subjects and he mentioned two-hour blocks when I asked him how he managed to accomplish all his writing in addition to his regular teaching responsibilities.

Working in two-hour blocks enables me to give one project primary focus for that amount of time. After two hours of intense focus, my brain and I are ready for a break. It works well to take a brief break and then focus on something else.

After my Synod stretch, I'm trying to get back into my regular schedule of two-hour blocks. And I'm focusing on finishing.

The specific project I'm focusing on finishing is my manuscript on early infant loss, Little One Lost: Living with Early Infant Loss.

This has been an extremely difficult project. It's been difficult to find adequate time, viable organization, and appropriate words. In addition to these practical difficulties, there have been huge emotional difficulties. Writing the book has forced me to face my own fears and failings and has brought me to previously unknown levels of dependence, humility, and trust.

But the primary emotional difficulty has been coming alongside the many brave couples who courageously shared their very personal and poignant stories. Infant loss is an emotional subject; it has been heart wrenching to visit and revisit these personal stories of loss.

These grieving parents have courageously shared their stories, opening their hearts and reopening their partially healed wounds. They didn't want to increase their pain, but they did want to somehow help others who have lost little ones.

It is my prayer that their efforts will be worth the emotional pain; that someone who grieves will find comfort, that someone will better understand infant loss, or that someone will be better equipped to minister to grieving families.

Above all, it is my prayer that in this--as in all I do--God will be glorified.

Please join me in these prayers. And if the Lord leads you, I'd appreciate prayer and encouragement for the necessary focus to finish.

A ready scribe

"Monday, Monday," sang the Mamas and The Papas, "so good to me. Monday mornin' it was all I hoped it would be."

Monday morning is the time I assess my work for the week and try to figure out how I will get the most crucial of it accomplished.

This morning I was thankful to count only 14 project sticky notes (down from a high of 24 and 21 last time I counted). Although I don't include personal projects in my sticky note count, I really should add the sticky note proclaiming, "TAXES," as number 15 since we are now only one month from the due date for that annual misery and our tax preparer would probably appreciate receiving our information this week.

Even if I count 15 projects, it is an encouraging reduction from 21 projects and reinforces my positive attitude after reading verse one of Psalm 45:

My heart overflows with a pleasing theme;
I address my verses to the king;
my tongue is like the pen of a ready scribe.

My heart does overflow with the pleasing theme of God's sovereignty and goodness. He is the king to whom I address my verses (as well as my prose). The movements of my fingers on the keyboard are my pen strokes.

This blog is called "Ascribelog" because it is the log of a scribe and because its purpose is to ascribe glory to God. Because I think of myself as a scribe, the first verse of Psalm 45 seemed meaningful to me.

The Psalm is called "A Love Song" and sings the praises of a mighty king who rides victoriously, not for the cause of truth, justice, and the American way, but for "the cause of truth, meekness, and righteousness" (4). The arrows of this eternal king are "sharp in the heart of the king's enemies" and the "peoples fall" under him (5).

He is more than a fierce and mighty military leader. He is a glad and pleasing person. He has been anointed with "the oil of gladness" and his robes are "fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia." He is a great architect and musician who lives in "ivory palaces" and rejoices in "stringed instruments" (7-8). And his queen stands beside him in the "gold of Ophir" (9).

Now we begin to see why Psalm 45 is called "A Love Song." The Psalmist obviously loves his king, and the king loves his queen. The Psalmist addresses the queen, encouraging her to forget her people and bow to the king (10-11). The "all glorious" princess in many-colored "robes interwoven with gold," followed by an impressive retinue, enters the palace of the king with "joy and gladness" (13-15). Her sons will become princes in "all the earth" and their name will be remembered to all generations (16-17).

The pageantry of a beautiful bride entering the palace of a wealthy king pictures for us the majesty and beauty of Christ's church entering the palace of the eternal King. Christ's love for his church is the ultimate love story upon which all love songs written about true love are based.

The Mamas and The Papas bemoaned "Monday mornin'" because it "couldn't guarantee that Monday evenin' you would still be here with me."

Monday morning is good to me and Monday evening will still be good to me, because I (and all believers) have the sure guarantee that Christ the King will be here with his church on earth and will one day bring us into his perfect palace. There we will sing the eternal Love Song at the marriage supper of the Lamb:

Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride had made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure (Rev. 19:6b-8a).

May your Monday morning be good to you. May your heart overflow with a pleasing theme as you address your verses or your work to the King. May your tongue, your hands, and your heart be like the pen of a ready scribe.